Emotions have been all over the place these last two months. Well, to be honest, the last two years really. At the beginning of June, I really doubted if we were going to make it back to PNG. I really didn't see how so much of our needed support could come in before September. Here we are, just a few days into August and we have sent our shipment and we are looking at plane tickets! To say the least, my head is spinning, my heart is too.
Of course I am so thankful that God has once again proved faithful. I am very much looking forward to getting back to our life and work in PNG, so much of my heart is there. I am thankful for the confirmation of the call God has placed on my life. I am humbled at the overwhelming generosity of our partners. I am excited to see my friends, meet the babies they have had while I have been away, and have a nice time of catching up.
And then, there is the other part. I am not looking forward to saying goodbye. I still haven't figured out how to say goodbye to the people who mean so much to me for years at a time. What can I say? There are no words that take away the pain and sadness, no words that will make the separation easier. I can't exactly say that "I'm sorry I have to go", that would mean that I regret obeying the Lord. I can't offer a casual, "see you later", because that opportunity is not promised. The grief that is buried deep down has a way of overwhelming me at times and I can find no words to describe the soup of emotions inside of me.
So for right now, I am focusing on the physical readiness of our preparations and letting the emotions surface when they do. I'm trusting God to sustain me during this time of yet another transition, so that I can be all that I need to be for those who count on me.
Of course I am so thankful that God has once again proved faithful. I am very much looking forward to getting back to our life and work in PNG, so much of my heart is there. I am thankful for the confirmation of the call God has placed on my life. I am humbled at the overwhelming generosity of our partners. I am excited to see my friends, meet the babies they have had while I have been away, and have a nice time of catching up.
And then, there is the other part. I am not looking forward to saying goodbye. I still haven't figured out how to say goodbye to the people who mean so much to me for years at a time. What can I say? There are no words that take away the pain and sadness, no words that will make the separation easier. I can't exactly say that "I'm sorry I have to go", that would mean that I regret obeying the Lord. I can't offer a casual, "see you later", because that opportunity is not promised. The grief that is buried deep down has a way of overwhelming me at times and I can find no words to describe the soup of emotions inside of me.
So for right now, I am focusing on the physical readiness of our preparations and letting the emotions surface when they do. I'm trusting God to sustain me during this time of yet another transition, so that I can be all that I need to be for those who count on me.
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